"How Do I Stop This Cycle?" - Fighting OCD Part 2

In Part 1 of this post I mentioned Dr. Mark Crawford’s “Four R’s” from his book, The Obsessive-Compulsive Trap. (1) Recognize (2) Resist (3) Replace (4) Re-direct

Here is more of the essence of my response to the dear reader who asked, “How do I stop this [OCD] cycle?”

Learning to use the Four R's and to endure the “critical interval” (the period of time that "must be endured in order to break the pattern of OCD") (p. 128, 115) have been such powerful tools in my fight against OCD! These tools, combined with immersing myself in the freeing truths of the gospel -- discussed in a recent post called "Scrupulosity OCD and the Power of the Gospel" --  have been powerfully used by God for my growth and victory. 

I encourage you to use the principles in Dr. Crawford’s book, and to have "at least 1 or 2 close friends or family members … serve as supportive coaches, encouragers, and prayer partners," ideally who understand at least a little about OCD (p. 120).  My husband was my closest encourager; he kept up with Dr. Crawford's book and what I was learning in professional counseling. 

As my mind has been renewed through taking my obsessive thoughts captive and replacing them with truth, my mind has become clearer than I ever imagined it could be.  An even more wonderful result is that that my understanding and intimate knowledge of God has grown so much.  I have experienced much more of the abundant life that Jesus speaks of in John 10:10, such as having much greater confidence in Him, awareness of God keeping His promises, and the fruit of the Spirit being formed in me.

Though the fight takes time and hard work, even the challenge of OCD is a wonderful opportunity to grow in the knowledge and love of the Savior Jesus Christ.  Jesus provides the tools to grow and gives the grace to obey and trust Him one step at a time. He perfects His power in our weakness. The pursuit of knowing Him in this way is worth it. 

"How Do I Stop This Cycle?" - Fighting OCD Part 1

A dear woman emailed me of being battered by OCD since childhood.  She has wrestled with the OCD bully over many issues, including her faith.  Fears and doubts continue to attack her to the point of literal sickness. Exhausted she asks, “How do I stop this cycle?” 

I answered her email something like this, addressing very practical tools I learned under the guidance of my counselor: 

Learning to stop and then replace our thoughts is key to breaking the cycle. Consider these truths about claiming control of our thoughts: 

(1)   "… be transformed by the renewing of your mind."  (Romans 12:2)

(2)   "… take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." (2 Cor. 10:5)

(3)  "…whatever is true, [noble, and right] … think about such things." (Phil. 4:8)

In chapter seven of The Obsessive-Compulsive Trap, Dr. Mark Crawford provides great motivation and practical steps to renew our minds from the damage done by OCD.  In particular, his strategy known as "the Four R's" was very effective in training me to take every thought captive and to replace OCD thoughts with what is "true, noble, and right."  This chapter was instrumental in helping me break free of OCD thought cycles that used to dominate my life.  

Four R's to Defeat OCD (Crawford, p.128):

(1) Recognize

(2) Resist

(3) Replace

(4) Re-direct

I still use this strategy of the Four R's to fight OCD thoughts that come.  Though the strategy seems simple in concept, it was very difficult for me to consistently apply it when I was dealing with severe OCD. Consequently, I highly recommend reading this chapter of Dr. Crawford's book, because he includes very helpful details about how to slowly and specifically implement this technique.  As Dr. Crawford writes, "It is a process that takes time, but it is ultimately effective in treating OCD" (p. 129).  

I also highly recommend a support network and professional counseling. Furthermore, I think it is wise to be open to a professional doctor's guidance regarding the possibility of medication "as an adjunct to be used along with non-pharmacological treatments" such as the Four R's (p. 146).  Just as someone with diabetes may wisely take insulin along with working on diet and exercise changes, someone with OCD may wisely take medication to treat the legitimate needs of the physical brain in addition to doing the very important cognitive-behavioral work of the Four R's. 

Scrupulosity OCD and the Power of the Gospel

What rest is there for the soul affected by scrupulosity OCD?  

My prior approach to life was dominated by scrupulosity OCD. I thought I had to do, think, be, and say everything perfectly ALL the time.  Since I failed to achieve this, I could not be at peace in my soul and felt certain there was no hope of peace with God.  

But how that has changed as I've grown in understanding the gospel! Counseling and medication played important roles in my victory over OCD, but I think the gospel was the most powerful contributor to victory.  Better understanding the gospel of God's grace that "saved a wretch like me" drew me to experience more deeply God's forgiveness, freedom, and His unconditional love that seeks my best even when I don't love Him back.  In turn, I grew in trusting His perfect character and promises. Such growth in my personal knowledge of God led to greater confidence in God's power and trustworthiness. Eventually the truth of God began to influence my decisions much more than the lies of OCD.

The song "Not in Me", from The Gospel Coalition's* Songs for the Book of Luke, includes the following verse. These words speak of the gospel, in which there is true rest for the soul.

"No humble dress, no fervent prayer, no lifted hands no tearful song,
No recitation of the truth can justify a single wrong.
My righteousness is Jesus' life.
My debt was paid by Jesus' death.
My weary load was borne by Him
And He alone can give me rest."

*The Gospel Coalition website (http://thegospelcoalition.org/) is a rich resource of gospel insights. The Gospel Coalition has helped me to learn to apply the gospel to many different aspects of my daily life. 

Loving the Imperfect Church

I have a hard time loving the church when I expect it to be perfect.  I have a hard time serving my sisters and brothers in Christ when I don't make allowances for each other's faults.  How can I love and serve a messy group of people called the church?  How can I love and serve people in the church who may misunderstand or misjudge my struggles with OCD, HVS, and depression?

Yet I have developed a love for the church over the years.  Recently I found myself smiling at different individuals at my church just because I enjoyed them.  They weren't perfect people, but I had a sense of love and even a tender affection for them. I found myself appreciating that they, along with me, are people perfectly loved by God even though we all fall far short of perfection.  This love for others has not come from my own heart, but from God's love and power that has been changing me. 

"...Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her..." (Ephesians 5:25)

"This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." (1 John 4:10)

"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)

Imperfect Churches and Finite Minds

I have been offended, grieved, and embarrassed by some things that have happened in churches.  Even more grievous, I confess my own contributions to these offenses at times.

At times, the failures of churches and individual Christians have been a barrier to me to seeing God clearly, and the barrier seemed even greater when I was struggling with scrupulosity OCD.  But as I persisted in seeking God, I realized that the church and my own mind were not adequate to "figure God out".  I finally had to admit I had finite understanding, and my only hope was for the infinite God to help me to know Him.  More than that, I had to come to the point of being willing to wait on God's own ways and own time for me to know Him.  I had to let go of my arrogant pride that God should do things my way.

Though letting go of my pride has required humility, what a freeing thing it has been to look to Christ Himself, not individual Christians or the church, as the perfect representation of God (Hebrews 1:3).

And though waiting on God's ways has required patience, what a beautiful picture of God's work I now enjoy as I reflect on the years in which God's ways and timing were so much better than mine (Isaiah 64:4).

I believe God delights to use the church and my mind to accomplish His purposes, but my hope cannot be in the church or in myself.  I must humbly ask and depend on God to guide me into truth and to reveal Christ to me (Luke 18:9-14; Luke 24:45; John 16:5-15).

I'm so thankful that God works through sin-struggling individuals, imperfect churches, and even mental challenges to "show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us" (2 Cor. 4:7).  His power is perfected in weakness!

Power Perfected in Weakness...In The Church

I have attended or visited several different churches over the years and have yet to find a perfect one. God is perfect, yet people and churches fall so short.   

In both history and our present culture, there have been leaders and members of churches who have sinned horribly and have even used their position in a church to harm others.  And even those who aren't engrossed in sin still aren't perfect people.  It can be hard for me to see God in some people and churches who claim to follow Him.

But when I look to people for perfection, I am looking in the wrong place.  Perhaps the principle of "power perfected in weakness" (2 Cor. 12:9) applies to churches as well as individuals.  After all, it's individuals coming together that make up a church, and each individual is imperfect.  Several imperfect people together in a church results in an imperfect church from the very beginning. And as the saying goes, "If a perfect church existed, it wouldn't be perfect anymore if I went there."  In the light of my own flaws, how could I expect any church to be perfect, much less hundreds and thousands of churches around the world?

A church sign says, "Messy People.  Real God.  Changed Lives."  I think here we find an expression of God's power perfected in weakness in the church.  It is the beauty of the gospel.  Because of people's sinful choices, people and churches are "messy".  But Jesus loves us anyway and died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins.  He did this so that we could be forgiven and made right with God, and to live forever in perfect fellowship in Heaven.  When someone's heart is truly open to the gospel and allows the real God to work in their life, life change happens.

Messy People.  Real God.  Changed Lives.

HVS Again, and an HVS Tip

To my surprise, my 2014 began much like last year.  January 2014 was filled with HVS symptoms just like in January 2013.

After several months of a close walk with God and peace even in the face of challenges, I was blindsided about six weeks ago when faith and peace became a big struggle again.  I experienced a very stressful 24 hours with two traffic incidents and a negative medical report.  Despite trying to respond in faith and trust, my emotions soon seemed overwhelming and my thoughts turned to worry. An on-and-off struggle with HVS (hyperventilation syndrome) followed.

Because of this recurrence of HVS, I finally picked up Dr. Mark Crawford's "The Obsessive-Compulsive Trap" again.  Although HVS is not the same as OCD, the two can overlap and fuel each other. So Dr. Crawford's book (the primary book my counselor recommended in 2006), has provided some very helpful reminders and new insights for my current battle with HVS.

I was surprised at the return of HVS since I did not struggle with it for most of 2013, but reading Dr. Crawford's book reminded me that victory over OCD and HVS are not just isolated to one battle.  He writes, "OCD symptoms can change over time.  It is important to help patients understand that even after you kick Mr. OCD out, he may try to sneak back into the party disguised in a different outfit" (p. 108). We can have victory over OCD, but we have to "be ready for a fight." (p. 109).  

1 Peter 4:12 says, "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you."  I would like to think that once I have had victory in an area of my life that I wouldn't need to fight that battle again, but I've had to accept that's not the way it is. I am reminded that trials have great purposes, and even when the same trial comes back, it offers a great opportunity for me to grow and to see God's power perfected in my weakness.

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HVS Tip: Of the physical responses to HVS that were suggested to me, I had never heard of yawning. So in case it might help someone else with HVS, I want to share that yawning slowly and deeply as soon as the shallow breathing begins has been very helpful to me. I continue yawning until I catch a good, deep normal breath.  Then I immediately work on redirecting my thoughts to truth in order to combat the root lies and anxieties underlying my HVS.  Sometimes I need to go right back to starting the process of yawning again, but if I persevere in this pattern of (1) yawning and (2) redirecting my thoughts, it helps keep my HVS responses from accelerating and intensifying.