Resource Lists - Comments

In the resource lists to the right of the blog, I have included some of the websites and books that have either been personally helpful to me or have been highly recommended by Christians who I greatly respect. Though I would like to, I have not had the time to read all of these resources in their entirety.  However, I have cited these resources with confidence that they are very good starting places for going deeper with these issues.  

Most of these websites and books are written by Christians.  If a resource is not necessarily written by Christians, such as the National Alliance on Mental Illness website, I have included it because it has been recommended by a respected Christian who works in that field.

Whether a resource is written by a Christian or not, I encourage myself and others to read any resource:

• with the measure for Truth being the whole counsel of the Word of God (being careful to take verses and passages in context)
• with the search for Truth being dependent on the Holy Spirit to reveal the Truth

Note: If you have questions about the trustworthiness and veracity of the Bible and its claims (such as I did for years), I encourage you to look at some of the resources I have listed under "Tough and Honest Questions About Christianity".  

My Story - The Danger of Isolation

I have been enjoying a rare time this morning of more than two hours of uninterrupted quiet time.  (With a 3 year old and a 17 month old, times of quiet and no interruptions are quite rare!).  

I enjoy thinking and pondering things deeply, so this kind of uninterrupted time is special to me.   I am often renewed and reenergized as a result of time alone, whether the time is spent thinking, reading, praying, writing, (or sleeping!). And amidst all the random thoughts that I may have during these times, I usually come away with some great treasures, lessons, or insights.  In fact, I so enjoy thinking and reading that I could spend days just doing that.  I love being with people, but I can be very content for quite a long time just by myself.  

I have come to realize, however, that too much time by myself is not good for me.  I think that it is especially not good for the health of my mind.   When I have gone too long without being around people --  especially if I have gone too long without sharing some of my deepest concerns, questions, fears, and struggles with at least one person who I trust -- my mind can come up with all kinds of things that are not true or are not healthy to dwell on in unending analysis. 

What does this have to do with my healing process?  As far as OCD is concerned, I spent years being isolated from sharing my intense concerns, questions, fears, and struggles because I chose not to share them with anyone.  I felt ashamed and embarrassed to open up.  Even though there were people in my life who were safe and trustworthy, I chose to wear a mask rather than being honest and expressing my need for help.  As a result, I spent years trying to sort things out in my own mind by myself, and that actually made my OCD much worse and I believe it made the time needed for recovery much longer.  

I also convinced myself that I only needed individual prayer and individual Bible study by myself to know God, and because of that I neglected the truth that God has created us to live in relationships and that He never intended for us to live life alone.  I finally started to open up to other people, and I found that I had much to learn.  I also found that some ideas that I had been convinced were right and true were actually false.  And I found that I grew and healed much more quickly when I was communicating with other people. 

I am so thankful that I finally shared about my struggles with my parents, friends, and eventually a counselor.  Isolation proved to be dangerous and destructive, but opening up to a few trustworthy people was a vital part of my recovery. 

My Story - Confiding In My Friends

I had lunch with a treasured friend this week.  She is a friend with whom I can be myself and I know that she loves me no matter what. She is also one of the few people with whom I shared details of my OCD struggles a few years ago.  She has seen my OCD battle over the past few years first-hand, and it was a great encouragement to me to share with her this week the joy of God's work in my life.

As I talked with her about my desire to be an encourager and advocate for other people who have mental illnesses, I contemplated what the life of a person might be like who is currently feeling overwhelmed by the challenge of a mental illness.  Though I am not currently overwhelmed by the presence of OCD, I can still remember the feelings and the exhausting struggle of constantly living with something that seemed impossible to conquer.   

In Further Still, Beth Moore writes, "You know, one of the tragedies of silently suffering through destructive, despairing feelings is that you are left to think you're the only one who has ever felt that way" (p. 127).  I was silent with most people for a long time about the reality of my OCD struggles and the feelings of shame, fear, confusion, and despair.  But, as I began to share more openly with people that I trusted, I found that I was not the only one who had struggled so.  I also found that my heart and my mind profited much when I simply shared my feelings and thoughts with a good friend.  Though not even my  closest friend could understand exactly what I experienced with OCD, having a friend that I could confide in was a great encouragement and a significant part of my healing process.

Resources for OCD, Mental Health, Faith Crisis, etc.

I am pausing my story to add some resources to this site that I hope will be helpful to anyone desiring to learn more.  Please notice there are already two resources up for the topic of mental health following the "Blog Archive" section on the right.  I hope to return to my story again soon.

My Story - Learning to See from God's Perspective

God's perspective and ways are so different from ours, but they are far more wonderful and bring about His very best!  Unlike Monday, the day full of good circumstances that I wrote about in my previous post, today seems to have had many more challenging circumstances than easy or fun things.  Our remodeling progress has slowed down tremendously due to long and heavy rains (we currently have a muddy pond where our driveway should be), it became apparent that I needed a different place to host our small group Bible study tonight (since there is no way for anyone to get to our front door without getting possibly ankle deep in muddy water through the ditch or the driveway-in-progress), the power went on and off a few times (thankfully it has stayed on!), and a lot of our family plans for the day have been turned upside down with managing the above circumstances.  

Isaiah 26:3, referring to God, says, "The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in You." (New American Standard Bible).

I have been experiencing much greater peace than on Monday.  "The peace of God, which transcends all understanding" has been defining my days since Monday rather than the discontentment and rattled nerves that I had on Monday (Philippians 4:7, NIV).  As I have been choosing to receive His grace in these days, I have seen His power once again being perfected in my weakness.  And based on His faithfulness in the past, I trust that He will work out these challenging circumstances for His best for our family, even though we can't yet see the way that He will do it. 

Note:  I really like the insight that the Amplified Bible has on Isaiah 26:3.  "You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You."

My Story - I Was Humbled Yesterday

I was humbled yesterday.  Though a lot of good things happened in my circumstances yesterday (including great progress in home remodeling, fun times with my kids and husband, great time visiting with a friend who brought a yummy blackberry cake, and getting close to the purchase of a minivan), it was one of my hardest days recently because I was not content in the depths of my heart.  

In addition, I was keenly aware of some weaknesses in me. And rather than delighting in going to God with my weaknesses, I was very bothered and disgruntled about it all.  Far from recognizing God's power being perfected in my weakness, I didn't recognize much power at all yesterday.

I was especially bothered about the fact that I wasn’t delighting in my weaknesses after having been writing in my posts about delighting in my weaknesses.  I had thoughts like, "Am I a big phony?" or  "How could I write that I’ve learned to delight in weaknesses when I’m struggling so much today?"

I did not have peace about these questions until I woke this morning and remembered that I do not necessarily delight in my weaknesses in the midst of them.  Often, the delighting has come later when I can look back and see how God’s grace was sufficient, how His strength carried me through, and how He used the weakness for great good.

As with most things that I have experienced in my life as a child of God, learning to delight in weaknesses has been a process.  I am very encouraged that I am learning to recognize God's sufficient grace and the delight of His power much more quickly than I used to, but I still need to remember that I'm not perfect, and neither will my delighting be perfect :)

"The Surprising Relationship Between Our Sin and God's Grace"

Another pause in my story.... 

My first post referenced 2 Cor. 12:7-10, a passage by the apostle Paul in which he declared that He delighted in weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on him.  After  reading one of my favorite books last night, I started thinking more about the apostle Paul.   (The book is called Why Sin Matters: The Surprising Relationship Between Our Sin and God's Grace, by Mark R. McMinn.)

On page 159, McMinn wrote about Paul's comment that, "I know I am rotten through and through so far as my old sinful nature is concerned" (Rom. 7:18, New Living Translation). As Josiah Bancroft of World Harvest Ministries and Sonship points out, Paul was an honest man, he wasn't writing with false humility. Paul was deeply aware of how great the gap was between his own attempts at righteousness and the perfect righteousness of a holy God.  Bancroft marks the progression from 1 Cor. 15:9 where Paul writes, "For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle,", to Eph. 3:8 where Paul states "Although I am less than the least of all God's people, this grace was given me", and 1 Tim. 1:15-16 "But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners..." (NIV).   

It seems that the more that Paul got to know the awesome perfection of God, the more that Paul realized he himself was not perfect and in fact fell far short of perfection, which is God's standard. And, as noted in a previous post, I would suggest that Paul also fell short from God because of other human weaknesses, not just because of sin.  

God knows that we can't be perfect in our own strength, no matter how hard we try. (And anyone who knows about Paul or Martin Luther knows that they tried hard!). To the praise of His Name, God delights to offer the gift of sufficient grace to bridge the gap between Him and to anyone who will accept it, because He loves us so deeply and so longs for us to be with Him. 

On page 159 McMinn writes, "Paul knew where to turn for help in his weakness.  He found everything he yearned for in the embrace of God's grace, including the power to live  a better life than he could on his own. 'So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.  For the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you through Christ Jesus from the power of sin that leads to death.'" (Rom. 8:1-2, NLT).

After several years of thinking about these concepts, of allowing God to probe my heart deeply, and of personally responding to and experiencing the sufficiency of God's grace time and time again, I couldn't agree more!

Note: Though the title Why Sin Matters may be a deterrent from some people reading it, I would highly encourage anyone to read this highly readable and freeing book.  It's one of my favorite books because it so well communicates throughout the book the truth, power, and joy of grace! As one person commented, "A book about sin, in lesser hands, might be a gloomy proposition, but in Mark [McMinn's] hands, it is as joyful an occasion as a Father running to greet a son he thought lost, even dead."   

My Story - Moving Forward Towards Healing

My beloved husband is an engineering professor, and I've heard him talk more than once about the importance of engineers correctly identifying the problem before they pursue finding a solution. 

Though it was hard in some ways to admit that I had OCD, I am very thankful that it was identified correctly.  In The Obsessive-Compulsive Trap, Dr. Mark Crawford writes that "the average person sees 3-4 doctors and spends over 9 years seeking treatment before receiving a correct diagnosis" (p. 10).  He also writes that "some studies have found that it takes an average of 17 years from the time OCD begins for people to obtain appropriate treatment" (10).  Upon receiving my diagnosis of OCD, together my husband and I set on a course for appropriate treatment.

I found new hope and valid treatment options after facing the truth of my diagnosis.  I see God's fingerprints throughout my journey and how He has used different provisions to bring me healing.  I am currently enjoying a life of victory (not perfection, but victory!) over OCD.

My healing process underscored for me how important it is for us to be honest with ourselves and with God about our weaknesses.  I believe that when we come to Him with our honesty, He compassionately offers us sufficient grace.  When we choose to accept His grace, His power is perfected in our weakness. 

Note:  If you are reading and you have OCD too, I have a very tender heart for you!  And please know that you are in good company... John Bunyan, Winston Churchill, and Martin Luther are some of the historical figures who probably showed significant symptoms of OCD (Crawford p. 10).

My Story - My Diagnosis

As far back as I can remember I was an intense thinker.  It was not uncommon for me as a child to fall asleep at night while trying to fathom answers to questions such as, "What would it be like if absolutely nothing existed?"  I would picture a white space or a black space in my mind with 'nothing' in it, but as I continued to analyze it I would think, "Well, even space is something!", and I could never quite fathom absolutely nothing existing.  I would cycle through pondering a variety of such questions.

The pondering and analysis grew more intense as I got older.  It did not occur to me that intense thinking and questioning could, at its extremes, be related to a mental illness.  But I was forced to face the truth that something was wrong when my life started falling apart about a year after I graduated from college.  I was officially diagnosed with having obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) in 2006.

Some time following my diagnosis I learned about 'scrupulosity' (obsession over religious and moral thoughts), and I also discovered that OCD had manifested itself in different ways through many years of my life.  In addition to scrupulosity, at different times in my life I have struggled with OCD in regards to washing and cleaning, repeating, and pure obsessions. As Hyman and Pedrick note, "it is common for people with OCD to suffer from a variety of OCD symptoms" (p. 9).

Though it was not easy to admit that I had a mental illness, the diagnosis and acceptance of the fact was a very important and helpful part of my journey toward recovery.

Note: The phrase 'pure obsessions' implies the "presence of obsessive thoughts without accompanying overtly performed compulsions" Hyman and Pedrick, p. 8.