My Story - Who Is Responsible?

Most of my blog writing since August has dealt with challenges that I struggled with related to mental illness, bondage to fear, and persistent doubts.  I have written about my challenges with (1) my pride, (2) questioning God's goodness and His love, (3) being a 'two-potter', (4) dark nights of the soul, (5) being honest with God, and (6) having wrong expectations of God. 

Another challenge that I struggled with, particularly in relation to OCD, was hyperresponsibility.  For example, when I struggled with an OCD fear of contaminating other people, I was being hyperresponsible.  I originally viewed my actions as taking whatever precautions I saw necessary to protect other people since I was concerned about their health, but through counseling I came to see how several of my behaviors were in fact taking much more responsibility than was appropriate for me to take for others' health.

A related challenge was struggling with what I am responsible for and what God is responsible for.  Again through counseling, I came to realize that I was taking a huge amount of responsibility for some things that God is ultimately responsible for, while in other ways I was not taking enough responsibility for things that I truly am responsible for.

I plan to write more on this topic later.

My Story - Don't Crowd Out The Savior

In my November 23, 2010 post I quoted Isaiah 59:1-2 about our sins causing a barrier between us and God.  I also stated in that post that when I "chose to let Him teach me to walk victoriously over sin" my prayer life and intimacy with God deepened significantly.  

Now, based on my years of experience as a person with scrupulosity OCD who analyzed my sins and the sanctification process far too much, I want to offer the following quote.

In Living Free, Beth Moore writes "What's more, we cannot please God by focusing on our sins and inadequacies.  Won't work.  Never happen. Never has.  Never will.  The only focus that will change our lives is a steady gaze Godward. The more we see Him, the less we will see ourselves.  Conversely, the more we obsess over our sin, the more we crowd the Savior out of our sight" (p. 4).  

As someone who obsessed over my sins, I was not able to understand or apply this concept when I first read it in 2005.  But God taught me how to apply this concept over time, little by little, and it is a core principle of the freedom that I experience today.  Do I still deal with sin in my life when I recognize it?  I certainly do, and it is wonderful freedom to walk free from the bondage of sin!  But I know how to deal with sin successfully now, unlike years ago.  By focusing on God and His promises rather than focusing on my sin and my weaknesses, God taught me how to conquer patterns of sin and to walk by the power of the Holy Spirit.