"What is your greatest fear?" My counselor's question ricocheted through my mind.
I had many OCD-amplified fears: contamination, disapproval of others, failure, health problems, God not really loving me, God not really saving me, and fear of the unknown. But what was my greatest fear?
I eventually discovered my greatest fear was that God's grace would be insufficient if something that I feared actually happened. To illustrate, even greater than my fear of a terrible health problem was the fear that God's grace would not be sufficient to carry me through it.
I desperately tried to control life to avoid my fears becoming reality. My obsession with control only fed and intensified OCD. Anxiety and worry consumed me. Despite throwing all my energy into control, everything from minor annoyances to major crises still happened. And when I faced a crisis, OCD disabled me from facing the challenge in healthy ways.
The truth is that I could not control away my fears, and ironically I was allowing OCD to control me. I wanted God's peace, but I still feared that His grace would be insufficient if I relinquished control to Him. I needed to learn by experience that "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9).
I had many OCD-amplified fears: contamination, disapproval of others, failure, health problems, God not really loving me, God not really saving me, and fear of the unknown. But what was my greatest fear?
I eventually discovered my greatest fear was that God's grace would be insufficient if something that I feared actually happened. To illustrate, even greater than my fear of a terrible health problem was the fear that God's grace would not be sufficient to carry me through it.
I desperately tried to control life to avoid my fears becoming reality. My obsession with control only fed and intensified OCD. Anxiety and worry consumed me. Despite throwing all my energy into control, everything from minor annoyances to major crises still happened. And when I faced a crisis, OCD disabled me from facing the challenge in healthy ways.
The truth is that I could not control away my fears, and ironically I was allowing OCD to control me. I wanted God's peace, but I still feared that His grace would be insufficient if I relinquished control to Him. I needed to learn by experience that "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9).
