My Story - Growing Up In Faith

When I left my young children with babysitters for the first times, I knew that it would be difficult for them, at least at first, without the knowledge of my physical presence there.  But though they may have felt abandoned, the reality was that I had left them in good hands to take care of them, I had made provision for what they would need while I was not physically present, and I was coming back to them at the proper time.

Of course this analogy breaks down at points, but it has encouraged me:  When I am facing a new kind of challenging experience, I know that I am still being taken care of by my Heavenly Father, He is still providing for me though it may be in ways different than before, and He has promised to come back at the proper time.

Such times can be very difficult, but I have found that they are necessary and work for my ultimate good.  Just as it would be sad if my children still had the maturity of two-year-olds when they were twenty-years-old, it would be sad if I stayed a "child" in my walk with God.  Thus I can still rejoice when I confront weaknesses and hardships, for I know that such experiences are used for my growing up.  Like those in the "Hall of Faith" in Hebrews 11, I want it to be said of me that I was among those "whose weakness was turned to strength" (Hebrews 11:34).

Furthermore, I would say that almost nothing has been a greater encouragement to my faith than experiencing God's power made perfect in my weaknesses time and time again!  It took me a long time to learn that adversity can be an invitation to see God work in amazing ways in me, through me, and around me. For most of my life I said 'no' to such invitations, choosing instead the (false) "security" of living life my own way. Thus, through disobedience in going my own way I closed the door many times to the provision, deliverance, and growth that God was longing to give to me. But as I have experienced His faithfulness time and time again, I am increasingly eager to say 'yes' to His commands and even 'yes, I choose to take this opportunity to trust You' when adversity comes.

God has convinced me, as Beth Moore says, that His commands and principles are "green lights" for my ultimate good and joy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not out asking for adversity to come my way, but I am increasingly seeing adversity as an invitation to take the next step in the adventure of knowing God and growing up in Him.  As I have said 'yes' by taking the often difficult steps of obedience and trust, He has been faithful to fulfill His promises to deliver me and to strengthen me.  Moreover, He has proven time and time again that getting to know Him through such experiences is worth it.

Being reminded of these principles has encouraged me to not be so stressed about the challenges that made last week difficult.  Does that mean that this coming week will be easier?  Not necessarily.  But it does mean that I have renewed hope and have learned once again how to rejoice in the face of challenging circumstances.

- Romans 8:37-39 
- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

My Story - Faith Is Not A Feeling

"Faith is not a feeling" has been one of the toughest lessons that I have learned as a Christian.  I experienced tremendous excitement and the heights of joy when I first became a Christian, but I felt startled and distraught when the feelings went away.  I immediately began to analyze -- in scrupulous OCD style -- what the problem was and why my feelings had changed.  "Had I sinned too greatly?  Was I really saved?  Was the Bible true?  Was God real?"  I went to all kinds of extremes in my thinking and questioning.  The problem, however, was that I had not yet realized that faith is not a feeling.

The sense of God's presence is extraordinary and something to be enjoyed for sure, but I have learned that such feelings are not a reliable indicator nor prerequisite for genuine faith in God.  I live by faith when I respond in trust and obedience to what God reveals to me to do, to say, or how to adjust my thinking.  I live by faith when I take Him at His Word by obeying the principles and commands He sets forth in Scripture.  Sometimes this feels great, and sometimes, as one pastor put it, obedience can "feel like death"!  But it is still faith.

So I learned this lesson a long time ago, but I still struggled through the challenges of last week.  I have been experiencing the sense of God's presence, voice, and leading so often over the last year, so to go a whole week with a sense of distance from Him was particularly hard.  But, as someone else has put it, "hard does not mean bad". Such hard experiences have often been used by God in my journey to grow me up in new and wonderful ways.

My Story - New Territory

This past week with our new dog has been rewarding and challenging. I enjoy her a lot and am so thankful that she is part of our family. But, as I found with parenting my two children, there is a lot of time and work involved in training her well, fostering relationships between her and my children, meeting her needs, and working out logistics like schedules and routines.  This all has been stretching for me, something that I call "new territory".  

And though I believe that our dog Emma is a gift from God and I can see His provision over this past week, it has been a harder week for me as far as "hearing God's voice", sensing His presence, and being confident of His leading.  I have struggled some with hyperventilation syndrome and have had times of discouragement.  And time alone with God to talk with Him about my challenges has been harder to find as our family has been adjusting to Emma's needs and schedule. 

I woke early this morning and had extra time to spend alone with God.  I expressed to Him my discouragement and how much I missed the sense of His voice, presence, and leading.  Were things not better in the old territory, Lord?  Through my time with Him this morning, God drew together a lesson that I think He has been re-teaching me this week:  Faith Is Not A Feeling.

My Story - Recent Downs and Ups

A recent down:  About a week ago I started having minor symptoms of hyperventilation syndrome (HVS) for the first time in quite a while.  It started around a time of stress related to several decisions and more deadlines than usual.  I was quite discouraged at first -- and I am honestly still struggling with the HVS and discouragement off and on -- but I'm able to fight it by God's grace much more effectively than when I first experienced major HVS.  I'm taking great hope in God's faithfulness to teach me through this experience and to give me sufficient grace to live victoriously over this, in His good time, process, and ways.  

A recent up:  Today I enjoyed huge success over a past OCD-related stronghold.  Today my husband, kids, and I adopted our first dog -- a 30 pound lab mix named Emma.  Since I used to think dogs were "just dirty and highly likely to make me sick", my willingness to adopt her at all is a testimony to God's work in my life.  And what a joy God gave me today when, without hesitation and without spinning in OCD analysis, I invited Emma onto my lap and enjoyed her as she licked my hands, arms, and neck.  God's grace has been sufficient once again, even for dog slobber! :)

Notes On Previous Post

As a follow-up to my previous post, some notes for those reading who have responded to the evidence but still feel like they are in the dark:

  

In my personal experience, my steps of faith have rarely brought about immediate clarity.  My steps of faith have often felt like steps through a dark forest, but I want to remind myself and to encourage you to keep taking those steps.  God is faithful to bring us into the light in His perfect timing and ways. Let's not give up!

And for those with scrupulosity OCD... after reading the previous post you may think, "Okay, so I need to work harder and harder to recognize my sins, to repent of my sins, and then it will be easy to see God." Be careful...remember that it is easy for humans, and maybe especially for those with scrupulosity OCD, to go to extremes. We do need to repent of our sins, but don't forget to focus on the cross and God's marvelous forgiveness, grace, and love.  A focus on sins becomes a focus on self.  I believe that the Bible, such as in Hebrews 12:1-2, calls us to focus on God, not on ourselves and not even on our sins. A focus on God is a huge step towards freedom.

Also, I have found that if I am trying to forsake my sins in my own strength, I will not be able to.  I have had to learn how to forsake sins and walk by faith in the power of the Holy Spirit. I hope to share more thoughts on this in future posts. 

Why Isn't the Evidence for God Clearer?

I recently read an article that expressed a question that used to bother me often (and, I confess, still nags me at times), but I had never read about or heard anyone directly address it before.  The question is, why didn't God make the evidence clearer for people to believe in Him?  If God loves us so much and so much wants us to trust Him, why can it seem so hard to see the evidence?

If I had been asked to answer this question several years ago, I don't think that I could have.  Honestly, I thought that the kind of God who would seemingly make things so difficult for His creation to find Him was unfair, had unrealistic expectations, and was playing games with us.  I couldn't align my views with the teaching of the Bible that God is love and is perfect.  Either the Bible was wrong or I was wrong, but I wasn't sure which. 

When I was in college I expressed some of my frustrations to a mentor, and she encouraged  me that God is "not playing hard-to-get". I desperately wanted to believe her, but that didn't seem to be my experience.  I had been trying awfully hard "to get God", and I was frustrated that He wasn't responding to me in the ways that I expected Him to. The doubts (compounded by scrupulosity OCD) swirled and God most often seemed distant and unkind. 

But I have grown over the years such that now I would confidently, but with humility, say that God is not playing hard-to-get. He DOES love His creation, so much that He died for it. I think that if someone is having a difficult time believing God, it's not due to a problem with God's heart and character and it's not due to a lack of clear evidence. God's ways are far beyond our understanding, He has purposes that we do not always comprehend, and our ability to see the evidence can often be clouded by the blinding nature of sin.  As it says in Isaiah 59:1-2: "Listen! The LORD's arm is not too weak to save you, nor is His ear too deaf to hear you call. It's your sins that have cut you off from God..." (NLT, emphasis mine). God's arms have reached out to us, and He has given plenty of evidence for His existence and the truth of Jesus Christ. But, do we have ears to hear and eyes to see? Are we willing to acknowledge our sin, repent of it, and accept the evidence that He has given us?

In his article "Why Isn't the Evidence Clearer?" (see link below), Lou Whitworth, the former senior editor at Probe Ministires, offers several perspectives of why the evidence may not be as clear as some people would like, including the following:

"In Romans 1:1-8 Paul wrote that God has given human beings sufficient evidence that He exists. However, some people cannot bear to think that there is an authority or power greater than themselves, especially one that they cannot control and to which they should be subject. We should not be surprised, therefore, when we find that many people often distort the evidence that God has already given them (yet keep demanding more).

Given this tendency on the part of man, how clear does the evidence have to be before people would universally recognize the existence of the God of the Bible? Would a cross in the sky actually be sufficient to convert Carl Sagan? [My note: Whitworth cites that Carl Sagan, in his book Contact, "satirically asks why God doesn't place a glowing cross in the sky at night to serve as irrefutable proof of Jesus' resurrection?"] Would the performance of an undeniable miracle in a scoffer's presence be enough?...


From the human perspective, why isn't the evidence clearer? Because God knows, and has already demonstrated, that no matter how clear He makes the evidence, it will never be sufficient for some. More evidence by itself will not convince people whose minds are already emotionally attached to an opposing view, because people are not always rational. The mind is all too often the servant of the desired fantasy."

As I have humbly sought truth, accepted the reasonable evidence, and obeyed by faith, I have found that God, over time, increases my trust and faith in Him, and He makes increasingly clear things that used to be confusing. And, as I repent of my sinful ways and seek to follow Him, I have found that He has revealed more and more evidence as time goes on, too.

For the hearts that sincerely want to know Him, I believe that God is more than delighted to reveal sufficient evidence, in His time and His ways. Scrupulosity OCD can make this seem very complicated and frustrating, but God's truth is still true even for those with scrupulosity OCD. And God's grace is sufficient to lead even those with scrupulosity OCD into truth, peace, and settled assurance in Him.

If you are interested in more of Lou Whitworth's perspective as food for thought, here is the link for his article:

http://www.probe.org/site/c.fdKEIMNsEoG/b.4223593/k.3971/Why_Isnt_the_Evidence_Clearer.htm